Last night I saw 21 Jump Street with Olivia after work. It was unnecessarily violent and gross at the end, but overall I really thought it was entertaining. Channing Tatum is so cute[and married]. Afterwards, we went to get a drink and a guy approached us while we were having a serious conversation. We did let him and his friend buy as another round and we stayed and talked until 2. They seemed nice enough but I really don't fully trust any guy, especially when alcohol is involved. I gave the guy my number even though he's 25, went to Slippery Rock for hotel management, his teeth weren't straight, and I wasn't too physically attracted to him. Oh my gosh--I just sounded like the most shallow, judgmental person ever. *Drops head in shame* I am so self-conscious that I cannot explain why I have (unrealistically?) high standards.:/ I only ever gave my number once and it was a Mad Mex waiter, so I figured why not? I am sure I will regret it.
Today has been uneventful thus far. I got up, my mom made me delicious oatmeal with strawberries,walnuts, and brown sugar, I read a few pages for Social Research Methods, and now I am sitting around. I will probably get something to eat with my mom before work even though I don't want to. She said we could get froyo or a snack, but I don't think that's happening. I really want to prove to my parents I am fine,though, so I can't contest eating dinner. I do want to go to gym before work but I know I won't have time to adjust my meal plan for today. I get anxious when it's something that doesn't have a count on it, such as my mom's oatmeal. My parents haven't commented on my weight in 2 days thankfully. I actually googled yesterday 'how to look heavier in clothes' just to keep them from worrying, but I didn't find good answers. Someone said baggier clothes, but I think that wouldn't look good either.I really am fine. I am at a healthy weight and still getting my period and what not. I am not sure why I make it sound like I am doing badly. People's comments I guess are what make me question myself. Seriously,though. 10 pounds. It's no cause for concern. But I also love the friends who have commented, as much as it makes me mad, because that shows me they truly care. I am not saying those that haven't said anything don't care, because I KNOW it's such a sticky situation because comments can be fuel to the fire, but I appreciate honesty always.
Oh, yeah. I might be getting jaw surgery again. I saw my orthodontist yesterday and he confirmed that the jaw surgery that took place 7(!) years ago didn't work. Why the heck did no one mention this until recently? My orthodontist is a wonderful guy and it's not his fault. The oral surgeon who did it was ready to retire and I was one of his last surgeries. I think it was a combination of me being anorexic, needing a blood transfusion during surgery, and him being on his last leg that caused the problems...I am not sure. It was bad timing all around because I was in the middle of my restricting phase and then had my mouth wired shut(which they don't do anymore!) and lost more weight. Then, when the wires got cut off, I went crazy and first binged. I binged on 40 lbs very rapidly. Yes, some of that weight was healthy and necessary but not all of it, and certainly not the method of gaining. Anyway, my mouth is still numb in areas and now to boot to find out that I was the only one of my orthodontist's patients who has never had a successful jaw surgery. It would have been enough to lose feeling and to have it exacerbate the eating disorder, but the fact that my bite is still so off just makes it that much worse. However, I am considering doing it again while I still have insurance. At least I have a responsible, caring PCP now because my doctor at the time never acknowledged I had an E.D., which I loved at the time, but in hindsight makes me feel that was wrong. My mom expressed her concern that I lost my period for a long time, and she sent me to gynecologist, where I got put on birth control. Geniuses. So, I will definitely trust in my doctor to determine whether or not I am medically stable enough to proceed if and when we get to that point.
Advantages: Corrected bite, I know what to expect,am older now and will ask questions, no mouth wired shut, I am still in school instead of being at a job, possible weight loss
Disadvantages: braces again after having them 4 times,expense of braces, possible side effects, although I don't think I could lose more feeling
We couldn't get the appointment with the guy at Children's until mid-May, which is frustrating. I think I will probably go through with it, but it's frustrating I have to have the braces 6 months beforehand and probably won't get the surgery until Christmas break. I guess that's a good recovery time. This summer would have been way more ideal, but I would have had to started this process in December or something. Food for thought.
Okay, I really better go and finish the chapter before my mom wants to eat. Please let it be McDonald's(weird, I know) so I can get 2 foods I am very comfortable with. Southwest salad and dressing( only 240 total) and Mcdonald's soft serve, which is way healthier than people think it is because it's 'ice cream' and automatically assumed to be unhealthy. Low-fat and creamy? Cha-ching.
Enjoy this gorgeous and sunny day! I am wearing shorts and it is March...double cha-ching.
:)
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