Oh, summer, you're going way too quickly.

24th birthday is quickly approaching. 24! You damn eating disorder, I HATE YOU.

Why can't i just ditch you? As I was running today, I actually felt sorry for myself. This was not in a "woe-is-me-I-hate-my-life" kind of way but rather "you poor girl for having your life stolen by this stupid disease". I don't know. I take some forward steps and get mad at the ED but then I snap and am right back where I was. Way too much bingeing and purging, not enough restricting, and definitely not a picture of health right now. Haven't been losing weight...if anything been gaining. I am always on a better path then go to the doctors and get weighed and boom, I am in trouble. It's not even knowing the weight that upsets me--it's my perception,too. Even when I don't know the number I PERCEIVE/know it's gone up and just lose it.

Starve. Purge. Run. Binge. Binge. Purge. Run. Eat Normally. Binge. Run.Run.Run. Starve. Binge. Purge. Binge. Purge. Eat Normally. Run. Run. Run.

^That's my summer so far pretty much.

I would like next summer to be Run. Smile. Laugh. Hang with Friends. Hang with Parents. Run. Laugh. Eat. Eat. Run. Relax. Repeat.

:( Don't feel like saying much else now.


Work 12-7 tomorrow