Fail.

I really suck. C'mon, Ellen. Bingeing and purging is foul and does not cause you to lose weight, or even rid yourself of all the calories you consume as absorption begins in the mouth. Bahhh. So, yeah. Not in the best mood. It started last night when I had a drink, 1 1/2 shots, a few sips of someone else's drink and I think that's it? I woke up feeling a little dehydrated and foggy and my mom had brought me pancakes from breakfast with my dad. They were ginormous and I watched my mom slather butter on them. And bananas and walnuts. Delish. I felt guilty for eating the whole thing,though, and as soon as my parents went out for a little I hit the closet for a little bingeing and purging.

After purging I felt unusually tired and my heart was racing. This wasn't out of the ordinary but then I broke out in cold sweats and felt extremely weak. I felt like I was going to pass out so I laid on my bed for a bit. My hands were trembling and I my heart continued to palpitate. I was a tiny bit concerned. Again, these things have happened before but I don't usually feel that spent. I decided to forego the gym and went downstairs and shoved down pretzels and a luna bar and powerade to keep me nourished. I feel much better after eating a rather large meal. I'll probably end up eating a lot later because it's a 'fuck it' day now. I hope I can get back on track tomorrow. Although I feel better physically now, mentally I am upset and depressed.

Also, I keep seeing these little bugs in our house and I am gonna freaking flip out. I can't point them out to my parents unless I see a lot because they'll think I search for bugs all day. They don't get my phobia even when I have told them what it's related to. They think I am crazy.:( I think I am gonna talk about exposure therapy Monday with Jennie. I always feel like I have too much to say in therapy and I don't know whats most important. Right now I could talk about bugs, jaw surgery, school, summer, health, etc. Hmm. We'll see. Gonna relax for 20 min before I leave for work. I know I still didn't explain about oral surgeon appt the other day but I will! Right now I just wanted to vent.

I don't have any plans later so I will probably do homework/eat/watch tv/sleep like a winner.

P.S. I caved and got Facebook back. Only made it 12 days...weak. I have already deactivated it and reactivated twice today--I need to make up my freaking mind.