Bad=When telling my friend about jaw surgery and how I have to be in good health because my parents won't let me if I am not healthy(although I admit, a tiny part of me wants to do it because it's hard to eat afterwards), and she said you'll gain that weight back as soon as you eat normally and you'll be upset. Hey, thanks. I know she just cares about me, but in my head I was thinking "wanna bet?". Blah.
My friend made a good point the other day.I was venting saying how I hate when people comment on being worried about my weight, and she said what do you want people to say? Apparently (and she's 100 percent right) when people tell me I am just thin, I think I am not, when people say I look healthy(never tell me that!), I interpret it is fat, and when people say I am too thin, I get mad. Jeez, I guess there's no way to win. I also get mad when people jump on the "I was worried, but didn't say anything" bandwagon AFTER the fact. After I gained a ton of weight after restricting at 17,many people said they were worried but didn't know how to tell. That infuriated me, as if they could have stopped me from spiraling into the depths of an eating disorder.
I have therapy tomorrow, which should be interesting. Someone in treatment one time didn't connect with her therapist and called her sessions 'staring contests'. I often feel like that because sometimes Jennie won't say anything and waits for me to talk. So.awkward. I'll tell her about jaw surgery and get her opinion--that should take a good 20 minutes at least. SHe still hasn't cashed 5 checks. Drives me nuts as a poor college student not to know when 100 dollars could be deducted.
I better go do homework. I was just wanting to vent for A) the comment about gaining any weight I would lose from jaw surgery and B) I didn't have time to exercise today and ate banana walnut pancakes my mom made me for breakfast...so I decided to make this my cheat day. It makes me want to eat a few granola bars or something before I go back into my routine tomorrow. I might. As much as I want to continue my weight loss because I only have 13 lbs to my goal weight, I maybe should try to eat a little more. 13 lbs could take a while which is frustrating, but it can't be too fast or my parents will really notice. Also, both of my sisters are visiting in May and I don't want them to worry my parents even more if they comment. As long as I am still healthy, I don't understand what's wrong.
I am sure my blog is getting really boring to read just talking about food and weight. Since there's no Facebook for me now I have felt extra ready to 'purge' on here lately.
Night.
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