All-or-nothing thinking

Today has been a pretty okay day so far. I have been SO lazy,though. Why do I have an all-or-nothing attitude about EVERYTHING? With food,exercise, and school I tend to be really bad. If I am not dieting/restricting, I am letting myself eat whatever and I FEEL so much fatter, even when I am not necessarily bingeing. Also, with the gym I tend to never go unless I can go like 5-7 days a week. I am crazy. In reality, 2 or 3 days of exercise would be better than nothing. I always say, oh well, I'll binge and purge today and start again with gym/restricting tomorrow. Gosh darn it. Why can't I just say tomorrow I am going to be HEALTHY and eat normally? What is normal anyway? RCC wanted me to come home and stay on 2,600 calories when any online site says that I will continue to GAIN weight on that number? So complicated.

Anyway, today I got lunch at Qdoba with Laura and we walked around the mall. It was so nice to get to see her last night and today. Since she works full-time now and attends grad school and sees her boyfriend on the weekend, there is not a ton of free time for us to hang out. So twice in one week=awesome. She's one of those great friends that I just feel myself around.

Ugh. I just got called into work. It's only 4 hours and I desperately need the money. I am just afraid because I am already getting behind on schoolwork. It's really just reading and stuff, but still. I NEED to get my grades up a really significant amount in the next 3-4 semesters before I'd even be considered for a grad school program. Why did I let my e.d. ruin my GPA? Blah! I am trying to stay positive,though because if I ruminate on the negative, I will surely give up.

Well, I better go start some reading. I keep thinking about the damn burrito sitting inside of me and how fat I feel. This is where a lot of my problems concentrating happen. I wish I could play Pandora in the background, but that usually distracts me too much.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.