Binge

I have to do homework, so no time to blog, but remember how I said I was considering a cheat day this weekend. Bad idea. It ALWAYS leads to bingeing. Yesterday I wasn't planning it but I didn't have time to go to the gym and would have been 500 over for the day. Yes, that would have made more sense than to binge. However, I got hungry and just wanted to eat at the end of the day and picked myself up a sub and fries and some candy that I ate. Then finished a box of granola bars(5) and had a few luna bars. Ick, I went to bed feeling disgusting and wanting to purge but my family was home. Ick. today i got back to the gym,though, and ate my normal amount. I hope I didn't gain from that. I feel distant even from Laura. I don't know if Laura's getting sick of me, I feel a perceived difference that isn't true, or just my perception but my ED is causing it. I really hope our friendship is not at risk. I feel alone. I know none of my friends can "fix" me and I imagine it's taxing to see a friend go in and out of rehab, but I still want to know they're there for me and not going anywhere. Takes a special kind of friend I guess.