Bloodwork

Ellen,

Released your lab work. Still waiting on the Vit D.

You are iron deficient.

Your complete blood count shows decreased white blood cells (which fight infection), and decreased platelets (which help with blood clotting). Your thyroid is slightly suppressed.

These findings are likely all related to your body not getting enough nutrients.

You can take iron supplements (available over the counter or by prescription) but there isn't much you can do about the other things, other than improve your nutritional status.

Consider this serious evidence of harm you are doing to your body by restricting.

I will be out of the office starting today until next Thursday. My partner, Dr. Nordman, will be available if you have questions before then.

Dr. S

I don't know. When I read that I was like "oh, she's being dramatic." She is a medical doctor. And I trust her opinion immensely. I was expecting if anything was off, it'd be electrolytes. It's tough because electrolyte imbalance can lead to death instantaneously. It's like a gamble because it could happen at any time. That's probably more dangerous? And then, there's damage that says there's (at least to me, without a medical degree) more of a cumulative effect like over the summer when i hate ketones in my urine and now, having decreased platelet and WBC count. I must say, the thing I was most upset about was decreased thyroid function because that's probably why it's so hard to freaking lose weight. That and I end up being a pig and bingeing and purging usually...but still. I guess that speaks to the decline of my mental state since coming from Ohio. My body's failing (I'm being dramatic) and I am just worried about my throid function so I won't have a hard time losing weight my whole life. Dear Lord. I feel bad for my friends that have to listen to me. I know I cannot understand how frustrating it would be to watch someone go through this(for years). Thanks to my true friends who have stuck around and let me vent and try to help me fight. Please know that any reason I still struggle has nothing to do with you, and if I could "snap out of this" to take away anyone's pain, I totally would. <3

Ew, I got a bill from Ohio yesterday that said I have to start making 200 a month minimum payments as of June 1st. This might halt my summer class potentiality because I may need to work 2 jobs. Blah. I thought maybe in the envelope was a letter from my therapist or something. I know treatment centers are like any other business and need to make money, but I am always disheartened how it seems like money is the number 1 priority. I guess that's true in life as well.

Ugh, I really should start the 15,000 assignments all due in the next few days. I.am.so.screwed.:(

I was doing well this semester. The past 3 weeks I would say have just kind of gone to shit in terms of schoolwork, concentration, health, etc. I haven't lost any more weight (they weighed me at the drs...with my shoes on...and I still was at 123) I am at a BMI of 20.5 And my doctor informed me that I can't drop below 20 for surgery in December or she will not improve it. You think it'd be 18.5 because that's the underweight benchmark, but she said it would be too dangerous. Makes sense I guess. THis upset me for several reasons. I don't know if I feel pressured to stay at this weight until then, upset I can't lose more weight by then, upset knowing it could be hard to maintain this weight until December, afraid I'll be 'fat' for my surgery or what. I just know I felt like crying when I left her office yesterday.

It always frustrates me that I get mixed reviews. Above everything,though, I would much rather people tell me...so thank you to those that keep telling me how you feel. I would hate to find out, for example, that everyone at work was worried or saying I looked bad or what not and then no one told me until much much later. THis didn't happen but I just am using that as an example.

MY evidence I am still healthy: still getting a period, still wear a "normal" size--4/6, still functioning in school (kind of), not an underweight BMI, Julie said I looked good, Kristen said the same I think

Evidence I am not doing so well: Lab results, concern from Danielle/Laura/Ruth, work incident, bingeing and purging 1-3 times a week, obsession with food and staying under my calorie limit

Okay, I really need to do homework or work out...or something.

Later!