Jumble

Today wasn't very eventful. I woke up, ate, went to therapy, went to the gym, watched Desperate Housewives on my laptop, and went to dinner with my parents. I am kind of obsessing about what I've eaten today so far and how I don't want to order a margarita tonight with my friends for several reasons.

1) I want to save my money for something better

2) I am never super well-hydrated

3) The unknown nutrition info

4) I just feel like diet soda

I feel like I am going to be pressured into ordering something. I love flavored margaritas--I really do. Just don't feel like them all the time, ya know?

On a different note, I really should ditch my scale. It died on me a few months ago and I bought batteries a few weeks ago. It is weird and you can't use it on carpet...but even in the bathroom it gives me different readings depending on where I stand. It messes with my head and frankly, I just should not use it. I want to lose a few pounds,though. Blah.

I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. I just usually feel uncomfortable in my body and end up in the back folding and stuck in my head. I like folding tables because it passes time...it's just hard because a lot of times I get stuck in my head.

Moving on to therapy, it's so hit or miss with my therapist. A lot of times I get so defensive and look for reasons why I shouldn't come anymore. Some part of me must like/trust her or I wouldn't keep going. She pushes me sometimes and I get mad, and sometimes I wish she would push me more. It's weird. I so often just want to prove to people I am fine and not have to answer any questions, but a lot of times I feel myself wanting friends to read my mind and see the pain underneath my smile. That sounds super dramatic, but I do realize that a lot of times I get irritated when people think things are going well and can't read my mind. It's like some kind of test. Ridiculous.

I found this online yesterday and it made me laugh because it's true sometimes.----->

You say I’m always happy, and that I’m good at what I do, but what you’ll never realize is, I’m a damn good actress too.

This post is making no sense. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. There's some stuff I don't want to get into on here that's also a constant source of anxiety. The stupid incident happened over 3 years ago and it still affects me. Lame.

Gotta go do homework.